it started with a journal entry...

do you ever have one of those days where you just want to reminisce? i had one of those days today. it all started when i found myself angry and frustrated and needed to get my thoughts organized, so i wrote in a journal (something i haven't done in a whiel). i found some old journals and read through some of the entries. its so weird to look at those and see how things have changed since then. its kind of incredible to see how differently i react to situations, especially looking back on it now when i know what's going to happen in the future.

i realized just how naïve i was, and how trusting...about everything. people always say i'm a pessimist, and looking at these entries i can see why. kind of. sometimes i ignore the obvious just to make myself happy. i guess it was better to avoid the issues that i was obviously noticing because they came up again and again. but everytime i would find some excuse to negate whatever problems i was having. it's kind of like selective hearing.

another rather emotional day. it was like everything just set me off. i'm not excusing the..um..break down i had, cuz it felt nice to finally get some of that stuff off my chest, but even then it was like i couldn't really say everything i wanted to. so i finished it in an email. i'm such a baby.

today was the first day this summer that i spent entirely at home. it was kind of boring. oh well, tomorrow's friday and i'll find something more interesting to do. except...i'm supposed to be in sonoma. oh well, so much for interesting. i'm tired but i can't sleep.

19 and, what was it, a "wake up"?