its so weird to have a chance to think.

at this time last night i was in bed, and actually finally asleep, with someone i love. and tonight i will be sleeping all alone for the first time in more than a week. i haven't had this much private time (it's been about an hour and a half since i walked in the door) in what feels like forever. i've been trying to keep from crying all day today, especially when i check the countdown and it says 81. wah. i know its probably stupid and immature and moody of me to be so sad, but i can't help it. i keep thinking of all these things i would have said or done if i had the chance to go back over the past 5 days. but i don't and theres nothing i can do about it now.

it's snowing outside, which is a peacful end to a very long, hectic, and draining day. my flight out of wisconsin was delayed by 3.5 hours, then once i finally got to chicago that flight was delayed by another 3 hours (apparantly the flight before us got hit by lightning, soo not a good thing). so i spent 6.5 hours waiting in the airport by myself (well technically with hoardes of other college students and TONS of military people - one in particular who would not stop telling me about his truck that he was so excited to get back to. boys). anyway i had a lot of time to just think which is not a good thing when you're sad and trying to keep yourself distracted. i'm sure the people in the airport must have thought i was crazy when a tear rolled down my cheek randomly, but none of them bothered to say anything, thank god. i walked about a mile and a half at least around o'hare today to prevent that leg blood clot thing, right kevin? (actually it was because AA kept moving my gate half-way across the stupid airport. twice). i should really try and get some sleep or i'll be dead for id tomorrow. and i dont' want that considering i already missed today, so i'm gonna go. oh yea, and austria was alright too, but a bit overshadowed by what was to follow.

love you all~

kevin: take good care of the bear while he's with you. i know he'll miss me so you may have to comfort him a bit ;-) love you